Poetry on Bishop Hill, Christmas 2011

While the world waits to see what “agreement” might emerge when the puff of green smoke is sent up from Durban (“time is not on their side”, according to the President of the meeting) … John Shade has pulled together an “anthology” of poetry from Bishop Hill commenters:

Climate Lessons: Poetry on Bishop Hill, Christmas 2011.

The following, written on Dec. 1, is the contribution from yours truly :-)

‘Twas the night before doomsday when all through the House
Not a creature was demurring, not even a scouse
The pleadings were hung in many churnalisms with scare
In the hope that Devil Carbon would permeate the air

The peons were resting, safe in their beds
Far away from the troll-posts of BBD and ZEDs
And many in innocence, and others more jaundiced
Watched them fall into debates oh-so-weighted
With factoids neo-warmist

When out on the interweb there arose such a clatter
My mouse sprang from its mousepad to see what was the matter
Away to the Google it flew like a flash
Where it watched quite intently
As excuses were hatched

From Acton and Jones and across the Atlantic
Were excuses from Mann that seemed somewhat frantic
While coolly The Saint watched with far from dismay
Happy reading to all, s/he said, but do not delay.

UPDATE 12/12/2011 I have restored the verse-breaks that appeared in my original post on Bishop Hill, where I had also noted that this is much shorter than that which I was parodying, and my occasional exercise of poetic/rhythmic licence :-)

2 thoughts on “Poetry on Bishop Hill, Christmas 2011

  1. An Ode to Climate Science

    Good, better, BEST
    the data cannot rest,
    such torture endured
    by now we’ re inured
    to trends suspicious,
    and stats injudicious
    much variance diverging
    from reality emerging
    the paleo-data surging
    past is present haunting
    uncertainties are daunting
    hypotheses astounding
    are ever so resounding,
    untestable of course
    then that’s the source
    of conclusions erratical
    of climatologists fanatical,
    whose logical defiance
    through over-reliance
    on concepts theoretical
    and models hypothetical
    with assumptions abounding
    and parameters surrounding
    such splendid renditions
    of initial conditions
    and boundary limits
    with feedback exhibits
    such a virtual world
    with scenarios unfurled
    sensitivity to measure
    and results to treasure
    with scenarios many
    and projections aplenty
    predictions never admitted
    now are not permitted
    in post-modern science
    With a hint of reliance
    On well worn consensus
    And groupthink relentless
    That’s utterly senseless
    Where pal review reigns
    And sensitivity gains
    Are so wide ranging
    With credibility straining
    Cherry-picking for tenure
    Nor anyone to censure
    hypotheses not tested.
    truth cannot be wrested
    from the likes of IPCC
    ARGO data from the sea
    are troublesome it seems
    as to what it means?
    satellites not tree rings
    will give us soundings
    of clouds and aerosols
    Well bless our souls!
    the feedback’s critical
    for hacks so political
    and ever hypocritical
    with pretexts ever flimsy
    to tax us at their whimsy
    “It’s worse than we thought”
    So of course we ought
    To limit our emissions
    Will be the admonitions
    Of activists so keen
    Of persuasion green
    With political correctness
    Mandating with directness
    Intolerance of dissent
    True believers will resent
    Any opposing views
    From those who choose
    To question the consensus
    No matter what our senses
    Tell us about the past
    their colours to the mast
    are nailed extremely fast
    To climate scientists
    Deniers and Extremists
    Should simply not exist
    Skeptics so heretical
    And even antithetical
    Must never be debated
    Instead must be berated
    Colleagues not persuaded
    Must always be dissuaded
    From publishing in print
    Their erroneous instincts,
    if persuasion’s unsuccessful
    Then perhaps some stressful
    Application to the editor
    Will in fact suffice for
    ‘Team’ reviewers to be selected
    So heresy be easily detected
    preventing evidence contrary
    From imposing on the unwary
    Who might possibly be misled
    To thinking critically instead
    ‘the science is settled’ is the slogan
    Which helps the politicians bogan
    for policy-based evidence
    must be given credence

  2. Ode to a Hockey Stick

    Montford’s ‘Illusion’
    describes a profusion
    Of malfeasance rife
    in academic life
    Those bristle-cone pines
    Are stretching the lines
    Across eons of time
    In California at least
    Where trees can feast
    On good old CO2
    And yet we know too
    That the graph’s askew
    Oranges and apples mixed
    The problem can’t be fixed
    A handle ever so flat
    What’s up with that?
    Our Medieval history
    Is somewhat a mystery
    A warming to abolish
    with academic polish
    An ice age so little
    must we now whittle
    So it’s quite invisible
    how markedly risible!
    The past revised
    We’re not surprised
    tree rings divergent
    need censoring urgent
    so the decline ‘s hidden
    thus the message given
    Mann-made warming
    now there’s a warning
    the blade’s uplifted
    through data sifted,
    by PCA short centering
    All ready for entering
    A journal so lenient
    extremely convenient
    they say is Natural
    But is it factual?
    the puck is ready
    the ice is steady
    who’s the umpire?
    why it’s McIntyre
    With McKitrick in tow
    That’s ruined the show!
    “What’s the correlation?
    Please no conflation!”
    With slight hesitation
    And some equivocation
    but no mitigation
    Came the admission
    With no precision
    “quite low it transpires
    But the graph it inspires
    And who on earth cared
    Whatever the R squared
    (near zero I fear
    Isn’t that queer?)
    My new statistic
    Not quite realistic
    Is a comfort indeed
    To meet my need
    Al Gore adored it
    millions applaud it,
    Wouldn’t you?
    An icon true!”
    A dreadful reality bites
    When the method invites
    Those damaging insights
    from critics revealing
    secrets unappealing
    investigations outstanding
    or Inquiries understanding?
    that whitewash dispensed
    so reputations are fenced,
    thus the academy forgives
    cherry-picked tenure lives
    with such heroes to venerate,
    more grants to generate
    from tree rings inveterate.

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